There are defining moments in our lives. Some revolve around happy events, such as births and marriage, perhaps even winning the lottery. Other defining moments are caused by less happy events. On September 29th 2006 our 34 year old son Carl Jones had a tree fall on him crushing his L1 vertebrae, leaving him a paraplegic, thus no use of his body below the waist. For our family this will be a defining moment in our lives.
There is of course the initial shock, even denial and the long drive to hospital where Kat and I really had no idea to the extent of the injury. Sitting in the waiting room, reading every magazine on the rack and wishing I had taken that book laying on the night stand next to the bed. Waiting for the doctor to come and talk to us, to give us hope, to understand.
The doctor finally comes and as we learn new terminology, we sit and try to comprehend emotions that can not be expressed, no matter what terminology we are taught. As we walk to the cold, sterile ICU unit to visit with Carl we make small talk, give hope and even try to make a small joke or two. Carl does the same for us.
I had always saw Carl as the essence of a man, strong, independent and responsible. Watching his strength as he lay their in his hospital bed strengthened all my previous observations. Even as a tear fell from his eye he smiled at his mother because he didn’t want her to see his pain. A defining moment in our lives had arrived.
We took the long drive home without a lot of conversation. Instead we took time to reflect. It’s interesting what I thought about as we drove home. I thought about Carl and his old Buick Regal. It’s a rather old and beat up car. I keep thinking that it’s seen its last days. It might sit for a few days or at least wait till the weekend and then Carl will would start working on the old gal and before the weekend was out, we would hear the sounds of the old Regal firing up. This thought gave me hope.
There are a lot of phrases to find meaning in life or to explain why does this or that happen to this or that person. Kat says “Bad things happen to good people to make the bad folks straighten out. “. I guess we all need to find meaning in things that happened to us in life and even finding good in our hardships. Maybe it’s not the phrase or the meaning that is import but rather the strength we can gain when settle the issue and move forward with the work that is required in these situations.
That is where we are today, trying to move forward with the work that is required. We are making lists and drawing up plans. We are talking to the case workers and trying to build a future. It’s starting with small things such and learning how to build a ramp to get into Carl’s trailer. Asking ourselves if the bathroom doors are wide enough or how can we change the bathroom so Carl can bath. We are starting to figure out what our care giving responsibilities will be. We are sort of like Carl working on his Buick Regal. It won’t be long before you hear that engine fire up.
Pat & Kat Newberry
PS: If you would like help, you can donate through the NTAF Southeast Spinal Cord Injury Fund. Please specify “In Honor of Carl Jones”. The web site is www.transplantfund.org